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CAT | Jokes
A killer whale killed a trainer today at Sea World in California. The whale had previously been involved in several deadly incidents over the past 20 years but was still allowed to participate in shows.
The whale’s nickname is Dr. Amy Bishop.
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I’d joked a couple years ago “What do you call a comic who used to have lame roles but now is considered edgy … and can give reviews on restaurants?”
Answer: Bob Zagat. I decided to create an App based on that idea. Given a restaurant name and location, it pulls the rating from Yelp.com. Based on that rating, it displays a clip from Saget’s telling of “The Aristocrats.” (nothing overboard). It also converts the Yelp star rating into an Olsen Twins equivalent. As per the Yelp developer requirements, it displays the # of reviews, with a link to same, as well as a Yelp logo and link directly to yelp.com. Plus, I changed the name to “Zaget” to further distant the service from Zagat’s. Here it is, awaiting the approval from the fine Yelp review board. Until approval is granted, the # of requests is limited to 100 per day (total, from all users of the app). |
A restaurant in Canada is encouraging its customers to have sex in their unisex bathrooms during Valentine’s Day weekend. (See story).
You can picture the server: “Can I recommend starting with an app and some Kegel exercises?”
It also recommends bringing plenty of quarters.
It added: “No foreplay. Leave the blowing to our XLelerators.”
It will be giving beepers to the women so they can be alerted when it’s their turn.
For parties of 6 or more an 18% cleaning fee will be automatically added.
Said Canada after hearing about the offer: “Eh.. the Leafs are on that night.”
Some of the restaurant’s ads:
Ad, “Why wait until you get to the car?”
Ad, “Stall those horny instincts! (And by ’stall’ we mean go into our bathroom and have intercourse).
Ad, “We’ll leave the lights off.”
John Travolta flew his own Boeing 707 to Haiti, bringing relief supplies, and a team of Scientologists.
As a result, thousands of Haitians have been standing in line to have their stress tested. The results: very high.
NBC Chief Executive Jeff Zucker said that moving Jay Leno back to "The Tonight Show" and paying Conan O’Brien to leave the network is the right financial move.
The decision won him the Gold at this year’s "Zucker Awards," which recognize the worst decisions made by people with ‘Zucker’ in their name.
He narrowly beat out Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s idea to sell your photos for use in a Chapstick commercial without your permission.
