Matt Hanley

Missed Warning Signs

admin — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:07:51 +0000

A killer whale killed a trainer today at Sea World in California. The whale had previously been involved in several deadly incidents over the past 20 years but was still allowed to participate in shows.

The whale’s nickname is Dr. Amy Bishop.

Valentine’s Day at Chicago’s Green Mill

admin — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 19:00:15 +0000

Last night I checked out Chicago’s famous Green Mill and its Sunday Poetry Open Mic and Slam. Since it was Valentine’s Day, the host Mark set the theme as love and/or lust. I wrote a little poem, based on an old song of mine. It needs work… (as do I) but being on stage with Mark and the fine jazz band was a hoot.

I’m out of time to the band in most verses. As written, it requires an extra 2 beats of silence but I came in early due to nerves. And I tried a jazz voicing. Ha! I’ll come back and do better.

The Bob Zaget App

admin — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 22:39:37 +0000

I’d joked a couple years ago “What do you call a comic who used to have lame roles but now is considered edgy … and can give reviews on restaurants?”

Answer: Bob Zagat.

I decided to create an App based on that idea. Given a restaurant name and location, it pulls the rating from Yelp.com. Based on that rating, it displays a clip from Saget’s telling of “The Aristocrats.” (nothing overboard). It also converts the Yelp star rating into an Olsen Twins equivalent. As per the Yelp developer requirements, it displays the # of reviews, with a link to same, as well as a Yelp logo and link directly to yelp.com. Plus, I changed the name to “Zaget” to further distant the service from Zagat’s. Here it is, awaiting the approval from the fine Yelp review board.

Until approval is granted, the # of requests is limited to 100 per day (total, from all users of the app).

That Canadian Restaurant’s Valentine’s

admin — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:37:35 +0000

A restaurant in Canada is encouraging its customers to have sex in their unisex bathrooms during Valentine’s Day weekend. (See story).

You can picture the server: “Can I recommend starting with an app and some Kegel exercises?”
It also recommends bringing plenty of quarters.
It added: “No foreplay. Leave the blowing to our XLelerators.”
It will be giving beepers to the women so they can be alerted when it’s their turn.
For parties of 6 or more an 18% cleaning fee will be automatically added.
Said Canada after hearing about the offer: “Eh.. the Leafs are on that night.”

Some of the restaurant’s ads:
Ad, “Why wait until you get to the car?”
Ad, “Stall those horny instincts! (And by ’stall’ we mean go into our bathroom and have intercourse).
Ad, “We’ll leave the lights off.”

Two Reasons to Avoid Zune

admin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:24:03 +0000

Microsoft’s Zune Music service seems to be a good deal by letting you Download for Keeps ten songs per month while subscribed to its $15 monthly buffet of music. But there are 2 major drawbacks:

1. The buffet is not as big as you would expect. It disappoints, sometimes big time! Most of Led Zeppelin’s catalog must be purchased. And many popular albums are only partially downloadable without buying. But if you like Savage Garden, you’re in luck…

2. The Zune service is accessible via the web and on your PC, but the only mobile device on which you can download is the Zune Player.

* revision: the Zune desktop software only wants to connect with a Zune device. But, you can use other means to get the .wma files onto your non-Zune device. Windows Explorer is tricky / tedious because you have to click through the path to each album. But, if you have Real or Rhapsody software you can import all of the .wmas into your library at once.

Uh-oh, I just discovered that Rhapsody uses the same catalog. Even though the songs will play on my nifty little $45 Sansa, I can’t get the Led out! What gives?