I Like How

This is a new series of comedic bits. In June ‘09  my agent Ben insisted that I use a format that can be understood by the popular (and coveted!) demographic. Ben believes this could be my ticket to “Foxworthy-fame and Foxworthy fortune.” For awhile I had a Twitter page for “I Like How” but I find it easier to just fold into this site.

I like how … Christmas is the same day every year, but with Easter it’s like, when is it?

I like how … anti-globalization zealots never go after the Harlem Globetrotters.

I like how …   I like how people are so quick to use the term ‘meltdown’ after you take a swing at the boss

I like how …  the Food Network assumes I have that ceramic bowl I stole from my mother.

I like how … Permanent Press thinks it has all the answers.

I like how … poor people ride their bicycles against traffic.

I like how … former candidates for the Democratic presidential nomination have joined forces to form a new administration.

I like how … they make fabric softener but not butter softener.

I like how … the Statue of Liberty used to be in New York and now it’s in New Jersey.

I like how these pricks refer to college as ‘undergrad.’

I like how it’s not even noon yet and they’re cracking open cans of Diet Coke.

I like how Canada has its own hurricane center. Good luck, Nova Scotia.

I like how parole officers don’t get that you can’t prove a negative.

I like how in the summer they ask ‘hot enough for you?’ and in the winter they ask ‘hot enough for you?’ (but talking ’bout soup).

I like how 51 lets people mistake it for a prime number.

I like how I’m supposed to have a higher income than the girls half my age that I date.

I like how it’s ok for women to carry a rolled up mat but if i walk around with slip-n-slide looking for places to setup, i’m yelled at.

I like how Empire State Building, 2nd word stressed; Empire Strikes Back, 3rd word.

I like how the owner of the half-half thinks he’s going to catch me.

I like how there used to be one continent and now there’s like seven.

I like how if you replace “literally” with “for reals” you’re less likely to be promoted.

I like how those “Orphan” ads are discouraging people who were considering retaining their sight.

I like how Trader Joes breaks down all those boxes before I get a chance to build a fort.

I like how my co-worker thinks he can slurp his soup without causing everyone to hate him and soup.

I like how Chelsea Lately has given all frogs hope they can be humanized and get a TV deal.

I like how each major religion believes in an after party.

I like how every time I drip dry, I get yelled at for being late to work.

I like how there’s no labels on flowers to let you know if it’s an edible arrangement.

I like how everyone’s checking out Bing but by next week will be back to the car wash and PCP.

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Updated: Jan 20, 2010